It Will Be Over Tonight

damn it all..
why did i can be so stupid?

i really hate myself for now...
much more than i hate that person......

dammit... dammit.. dammit.. just dammit..

"hope is a good thing, and good thing never dies.."
i used to believe in those words, but what can i believe in anymore...?

my life is not brilliant... it's fucked up.



damn it..

Bliss

So... finally it ends here..
perjuangan 8 bulan secara diam-diam ini akhirnya berakhir pada titik ini..

truth to be told, I failed it.
and now, I've lost it.

can I get it back?
masih ada sedikit, sangat sedikit harapan untuk itu.. but it's rather impossible for now..
I didn't ask about that answer, but I don't want to guess it either.

of course I was curious and... feel sad.
lonely maybe the right word after it..

yeah, right now, I feel uncertain about anything..
I know I shouldn't be like this, but it's looks like I lost something precious..
mungkin saja itu terlalu melodrama, but... right now, that's what I feel.

I've predicted that maybe I won't get succeed in this thing, jadi... kenapa ini terasa hampa dan perih?

alasan...
adakah alasan untuk jawaban tadi?
I didn't ask for it, maybe I know the answer is obvious.
yeah, maybe the answer is obvious..
that answer was simple, but to the point..

I don't know.. but I see something behind it all, although I don't know what it is.

if that's the case, maybe my feeling was right...
maybe she had someone else inside, maybe I didn't try harder, maybe I was too late for it..
banyak kemungkinan yang terjadi, banyak pula jawaban yang mungkin benar..

untuk sekarang, I don't know what it is.......

usually, I will try to find out what it is, but my feeling said that it will only hurt me more.
jadi.. mungkin saja hal itu tidak dimaksudkan untuk dibuka..

huff....

this is a sad moment for me... I wonder if we will talk again like usual in other times..
maybe no.. I've make a stupid mistake, I think...

sekarang ini.... sepertinya hanya waktu yang bisa memberitahu apa yang akan terjadi selanjutnya....

Unintended

Huff...
another day almost pass again in just 5 hours again.
still no development for the New Year Plan.
I began to make a reserve plan for us. if there's no car that we can use, maybe we should take the travel if we still want to go.

But I don't know if they will accept this plan or not.
This like a nightmare come true. not about the nightmare, but about the headache that I feel because of this plan.
Well, I almost not get sleep just to calculate the budget so we get the lowest as we can afford.
but in the end, it's the truth that we have to play a little higher than we expected.

just as I thought, when I announce it to them... well, some of them agree with it, but some of it ask it they can get lower.
to tell the truth, if we want to get the lower one.. we probably have to shorten our trip and sleep at the park..

argh... I don't know what I have to do again..
tomorrow I'm planning to go to Fajar's to solve this thing.
if they won't come tomorrow, I will withdraw my participation in this plan..
God... are you testing me again in the end of the year...?

that's enough for this post..
see you again.
without wax,
rahdhitya