The Hardest Part

Akhir-akhir ini, orang-orang dari masa lalu sepertinya banyak membuat sensasi (atau sengaja membuat sensasi).. ah, tak tahu lah..
semua ini membuat keadaan tidak bertambah lebih baik. seharusnya sekarang ini adalah masa-masa yang (bisa dibilang) cukup bahagia setelah hampir setahun merasakan (pahitnya) penderitaan oleh ORANG itu!!!!

well, well.. permintaan yang (dulu) disanggupinya sampai sekarang belum ada bukti konkrit kalo itu akan dilakukan..

malah yang ada, ORANG itu cenderung mengelak dan berpura-pura tidak tahu.
hhhh, i should have known that. seharusnya hal ini sudah bisa ditebak, karena... yah, anggap saja memang dia seperti itu (memang seperti itu). melakukan sesuatu, berpura-pura innocent terhadap hal itu, lalu akhirnya pergi jauh-jauh sebelum ada sesuatu yang harus dipertanggungjawabkan.. ckckckck, memang tipikal dari ORANG tersebut..

and.. hal ini diperparah oleh beberapa bukti yang didapat dari orang lain mengenainya.
i couldn't believe you said that..
you said that you never cry if it's about a boy?
lalu bagaimana dengan keluhan "teman-temanmu" mengenai hal tersebut??
yang selalu menyalahkan dan tidak mau disalahkan if you were crying over?
atau apakah itu hanya merupakan sandiwaramu?
kalau begitu, i feel poor for the guy who choose you, karena dia akan hidup dalam sandiwara, so unfortunate.
my advice, get to know that girl for sure, and you will know her true self. maybe you like her that way, but trust me, it could be annoying, and worse, it could make you stress by that.. believe me. and believe the others who feel the same.

no more sympathy for you, i'm gonna rip you one by one from now..

dan ini bukanlah hal terberat yang bisa dilakukan. jangan melihat dari judul posting ini.
karena hal yang paling berat akan mulai kau rasakan.

Everything is Average Nowadays (and I always be average)

UAP sudah dilewati seminggu yang lalu...
hari ini.. beberapa jam yang lalu, sebuah marabahaya penuh tantangan telah dilewati pula dengan penuh kekesalan, kekejaman, dan rasa pasrah..

yak, benar sekali saudara-saudara.. hari ini, telah dilewati hari pertama dari serangkaian hari UAS (Ujian Ala Syaiton) dengan tidak sukses.. kenapa?
alasannya simpel. I didn't study the night before!! Well, it wasn't entirely my fault.
The problem is, my note for that goddamn subject (f******g linear algebra) was borrowed by ONE of my friends and he didn't returned in time!!!!!!! what the hell!!!!!

i know that note didn't contain much information you need, but for me it's important!!
god d*****t!!!!!!

now, now.. semuanya sudah lewat. there's nothing i can do about it.
the result is surely bad, below my expectations. damn..

yah, tidak ada gunanya menyesali apa yang sudah lewat.
lebih baik mempersiapkan untuk hari senin, Algorithm and Programming... the difficult subject (for me)..

make it through, make it better...

huhuhuhuhuhu...

without wax,
rahdhitya

Invincible

Hari ini sudah hari jum'at, besok hari sabtu, lalu besoknya lagi hari minggu..
lalu.... keesokan harinya lagi.. sudah hari senin!!!
Oh my god.. UAP is getting closer and closer!!
Dammit!!!!!!

What should I do?
Yeah, it's true that I have to study hard for it..
the problem is.. I don't understand every single of the subject that will be tested!!
Oh.. fuck it...

I don't want to embarrassed myself in front of it and her..
more precisely, maybe I want to prove that I can do it.

but then again, I have to prepare for my ITB enrollment test two months again, and now as I type this, the time is ticking and ticking...

Oh, what the hell........

satu hal yang harus dilakukan sekarang adalah mencoba menyerap semua bahan yang ada dan mencoba mempraktikannya tanggal 21 (if I can...)...

and now.. maybe I should get some rest...
and think about her to fresh up my mind...

without wax,
rahdhitya

Blackout

Berlawanan dengan kemarin, hari ini terasa aneh, aneh, aneh, dan sedikit menakutkan.
Kenapa sedikit menakutkan?
Because today, looks like I'm feeling paranoia again.. I don't know why.. I don't know why, I don't know why...

hmm...
maybe it was just my feeling after all.. but I'm feeling different today..

I can't talk to her about this. I don't want to make her worry about this...
And I don't want to get her involved in this, cause maybe I would lose my control sometimes..

Right now, just get things straight and right..
and while doing that, I want to get happy with her...

over and out,
without wax,
rahdhitya

Top of The World

hari ini adalah hari yang menyenangkan.. mungkin bisa dibilang hari yang bahagia..
why?
because you can say that today is my first date with her.. first date after several months without it.

meskipun bisa dibilang kegiatan hari ini tidaklah banyak, namun tetap saja, it makes me happy.

hmm.. i must thank her for accompany me everywhere I go today..
she's kinda sweet you know...

anyway, I also got some good news today..
finally I can get my hand to an ITB registration form today.
wew.. kinda a hard work to get that.
I have to travel back to 8 twice with her. it makes me sorry for her... so sorry if you get tired back then...

now, the moment always come for some ultimate decision.
sebentar lagi UAP, lalu UAS, dan tak lama kemudian akan ada USM ITB..
hope that I can passed those three times well and get along with her BETTER..

without wax,
rahdhitya

Do It For Me Now

Huff...

Sebentar lagi.. hanya dalam hitungan minggu, UAS semester pertama akan segera dimulai...

Entahlah apa yang harus dirasakan, antara cemas, tenang, senang (wow, senang karena ada UAS) sekaligus khawatir...

Yah, untuk sekarang, yang bisa dilakukan hanyalah mempersiapkan diri sebaik-baiknya dan mendapatkan hasil yang terbaik..

Lagipula, kalau semua ini berjalan dengan baik, there's a chance I could be together with her again for next months...

Hope that everything will be just fine..
Now, to study!!!

without wax,
rahdhitya

Fake Tales of....

Today is great..
Everything is great..
Everything seems perfect nowadays..
Maybe this is the happiest moment in my life..

Maybe 2008 will be starting brighter than it used to in 2007..

From this now, I will take care of it...
I won't let it go..

Sekarang ini.. saatnya untuk menjaga dan menikmati momen tersebut..
for that person, thanks a lot for keeping me in warm and happiness..
I appreciate that...

judul post ini mungkin "Fake Tales of..." tapi, cerita ini bukanlah sebuah Fake Tales.. it's real, and it's happening...

Thank you,
without wax,
rahdhitya

Fluorescent Adolescent

now, now.. I believe everything will change after this..

finally I get it.. someone with the same ideal with me.. someone I feel comfortable with..
I'm enjoying this moment for now..

terima kasih untuk dia disana atas pengertian dan perhatiannya..

I really appreciate that..

just like I said to her before, finally I found someone I can sing "Endlessly" to..

"and now.. the moment has come..."

thank God for that...

(You Want To) Make A Memory

this is the question I asked to myself after last night (incident?) event..

should I make it go or what? should I try it again or what? should I do something or not?
should I just stand here by myself or should I need someone to stand with?

the last question seems bother me more than other question?
that's what I think for.. should I make it just by me? or should I find someone to stand with me here? if latter is the answer, then who is it supposed to be?
siapakah dia itu? apakah masih sama seperti sebelumnya? atau orang yang benar-benar baru?

jika begitu.. siapakah itu?
you know, I have make a promise to myself not to look for others but instead just stay here and watch it over...

someone said that the one I'm looking for will come close in a short time after this...
pertanyaan adalah, apakah dia seseorang yang sudah lama dikenal atau seseorang yang sama sekali baru? hampir mirip dengan pertanyaan di atas...

well, well..
guess I can't help it..
I'm still hoping that she will change her mind, although I know it's small in chance...
kita lihat saja untuk waktu ke depannya...

the chance is little, I know..
but somehow, maybe I'm just be a stubborn guy, I sense some hope there..

akan kita lihat dalam waktu dekat (atau mungkin panjang) manakah dari hal ini yang benar..

without wax,
rahdhitya

Everybody's Changing

so.. it is true..
it has to ends right now..
it just a temporary happiness...
geez...

when will I get those one? the one that I seek for..
I thought I already found it, but she said it was a mistake...
"everybody make a mistake sometimes, right?"

yes, it is...

but I don't think you made the wrong choice there, dear...
why don't you try it even for a moment...?

now, what I got is only my despair...

this year isn't much different than the previous one..
it hurts and killing me..

hurts... I can't believe I lost it just in a blink of an eye..
maybe I was just too hoping..

no, no, I'm not too hoping...
I always hope for this moment to come, and now it all gone in front my eyes and in the hearing of my ear..

I know that I can't force you to do that.. neither that I can make you believe to every single word I said...

but.. well, forget it. I know you wouldn't believe for just once and I know that you wouldn't want try to do that...
I know that I'm not dependable, trust-worthy partner, and I know that I can't give you anything...

but.. you may not know that.. I won't give you up.. I won't leave you falling.. and I will always love you endlessly if you give me a chance...
yeah, I know.. I'm not capable to be given such a chance again..
I know that I've been doing wrong in the past, I know that I've hurt you accidentally...

I never meant that all..

this part of me you'll never know..
cause maybe I won't show it again to another one..
it all the ends of my journey..

time to get back and standing like a moron here..
damn..
standing like a moron.. that words really suitable for me...

I don't know if this thing could be replace again just like usual, because I have my promise to myself..
also for her, without you knowing it dear..

hmm..
I didn't even have a chance to say "dear" to her...

I probably will never get a chance to say that anymore..

without wax,
rahdhitya to you there..

Forgotten

today is the day..
for me, it's the judgement day.. whether this will continue or not..

sampai sekarang, alasan untuk hal itu masih belum dikatakan, I don't know why..
some people guess, but the one that close to what I believe is that she afraid of LDR (long-distance) tapi itu belum seratus persen benar.

I'm gonna ask her today, and it will be just... 2 hours left from now.
2 hours to salvation, no, no, not salvation, but 2 hours until the waiting.

I hope it will be good, so I can continue it together.
If it bad... then it all ends here.
I will fulfill my promise that I made to myself.. untuk berhenti sampai disini, pada waktu dimana semuanya berakhir dan biarkan nasib serta takdir membawa..

untuk itu... semuanya harus dipersiapkan dengan baik...

2 hours left..
2 hours left..

God, please help me through this one...
Thank you...

without wax,
rahdhitya

That's Why (You.............)

what should I say about this condition and circumstances?

many things happened to me lately, it's just like a video tape playing around and around..
does this year I will feel the same thing again?

it's just like.. sekarang ini, banyak hal yang ingin dikatakan kepadanya, tetapi.. apakah dia mau mendengarkan kata-kata tersebut?

I can't think clearly right now, I need some light to lead me to the right way..
Oh, God, show me some of your kindness.....

without wax,
rahdhitya

Thanks For The Memories

a suprise has come to me at the beginning of the year...
really, i'm really surprised with this...

kemarin, dia hanya bilang, "maaf, tidak bisa..."
and then, now she said, "i think it's worth to try..."

but try for what?
the answer is, "worth to think about it..."

wew...
surprising... but thrilling..
but it's a good surprise for this year..

hopefully, it's not a joke like the usual one I got..
hopefully, if it's real, it will last long...

"even if they weren't so great..."
but thanks to it..

Bliss

So... finally it ends here..
perjuangan 8 bulan secara diam-diam ini akhirnya berakhir pada titik ini..

truth to be told, I failed it.
and now, I've lost it.

can I get it back?
masih ada sedikit, sangat sedikit harapan untuk itu.. but it's rather impossible for now..
I didn't ask about that answer, but I don't want to guess it either.

of course I was curious and... feel sad.
lonely maybe the right word after it..

yeah, right now, I feel uncertain about anything..
I know I shouldn't be like this, but it's looks like I lost something precious..
mungkin saja itu terlalu melodrama, but... right now, that's what I feel.

I've predicted that maybe I won't get succeed in this thing, jadi... kenapa ini terasa hampa dan perih?

alasan...
adakah alasan untuk jawaban tadi?
I didn't ask for it, maybe I know the answer is obvious.
yeah, maybe the answer is obvious..
that answer was simple, but to the point..

I don't know.. but I see something behind it all, although I don't know what it is.

if that's the case, maybe my feeling was right...
maybe she had someone else inside, maybe I didn't try harder, maybe I was too late for it..
banyak kemungkinan yang terjadi, banyak pula jawaban yang mungkin benar..

untuk sekarang, I don't know what it is.......

usually, I will try to find out what it is, but my feeling said that it will only hurt me more.
jadi.. mungkin saja hal itu tidak dimaksudkan untuk dibuka..

huff....

this is a sad moment for me... I wonder if we will talk again like usual in other times..
maybe no.. I've make a stupid mistake, I think...

sekarang ini.... sepertinya hanya waktu yang bisa memberitahu apa yang akan terjadi selanjutnya....

Move Along

Today... is the new day of the year...
hari baru dimana semoga semuanya akan berjalan dengan lancar...

hanya saja... today seems to be violated by my own stupidness..
what i've done?
well, well.. i guess she's hate me if she didn't reply it...

if not...
semuanya masih mungkin...
tapi, belum tentu semuanya berjalan dengan baik...

mudah-mudahan saja...

selagi itu menunggu, I'm listening to one of my favorite songs, Move Along by The All-American Rejects..

that's enough for this post.
without wax,
rahdhitya

Everything is Alright

People keep asking me about this today, "hey, are you alright? you look weird and different today.. anything wrong..?"
well, well, you all... apakah di muka ini terlihat jelas kalau memang ada masalah?
bukannya tidak ada masalah hari ini, tapi seperti terlihat di post sebelumnya, I just shocked, more precisely like hysteria...
just that.. no more, no less.. still, it's getting me frustated..
sepertinya itu memperkuat anggapan kalau 2007, adalah benar-benar tahun yang buruk.. much more worse than any other year...

hell, yeah, I can't get my hand to a girlfriend, so what's that problem for you stalker? damn it.. have life please, it's better than you keep asking me but not helping..
I want help not question...

oh, please...

I really want to say that everything is alright, tapi kata-kata itu tidak sesuai dengan kondisi sekarang. benar-benar tidak cocok.
kata-kata yang paling cocok untuk menggambarkan kondisi ini adalah, "I'm fuckingly frustrated.. I'm fuckingly depressed. and I want something to overcome it."
I don't know if the chibi can help me or not.
Just hope she can, or maybe he can, or maybe they can, or maybe nobody can...
Kalau sudah begitu, I'm really on my own...
It's true I have them, but I don't want to keep relying myself to them..
they have a life, dan hidup mereka tidak seharusnya dihabiskan untuk masalah ini saja..

i could be wrong, i could be right..
tapi sepertinya lebih tepat if i was right...

to enclose this, i want to say to you guys, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008... semoga mendapatkan tahun yang baik.. yeah, so do I...

without wax,
rahdhitya